If we are to believe Mark Chipman—and why wouldn’t we?—the Winnipeg Jets will remain in Good Ol’ Hometown forever.
Repeat after me: For-ever!
Granted, that isn’t the word the Puck Pontiff used during the 18-plus minutes he and Darren Dreger of TSN spent flapping gums last week, but it’s what he meant in responding to the only question that truly mattered in their natter.
“Is there any real threat of a sale, a relocation if this can’t get turned around?” asked Dreger, referencing the shockingly modest gatherings (a low of 11,136; ave. 11,823) at the Little Hockey House On The Prairie through the first month of the current National Hockey League crusade.
“No,” was the Puck Pontiff’s firm and immediate reply.
So, even if head counts sewer to World Hockey Association levels, which is to say 10,000 or less, the Puck Pontiff and his co-bankroll, the 3rd Baron Thomson of Fleet, will not abandon Good Ol’ Hometown in favor of a distant burg that might provide greener grass and a greater number of paying customers. This won’t be a redux of Jets 1.0 in April 1996, when the town’s hockey heroes made like thieves in the night and skedaddled to the Arizona desert.
“I can see how you would ask that question,” the Puck Pontiff told Dreger, “because it happened once is it a concern it could happen again because it’s the smallest market? I say not on our watch.”
Chipman, chairman of True North Sports + Entertainment, said the April 1996 experience was “beyond heartbreaking” and confessed he “wept like a child” when Jets 1.0 fled, thus he harbors no desire to live through a repeat wave of that high-level emotional crumbling.
So don’t worry your little heads, kids. The Jets aren’t packing ’em in anymore, but they aren’t packing their bags, either. For the Puck Pontiff to run and hide…well, that would be the ultimate betrayal by a born-and-raised Winnipegger who wears his passion for the town and team on his sleeve.
Now, having said all that, there’s something you should know about hockey people: They lie.
Hockey is Planet Pinocchio, where noses grow longer than Winnipeg winters and pants are always on fire. I think the last honest man in hockey was Don Baizley, the much-admired player agent. And, yes, now that you mention it, honest and player agent in the same sentence seems like a contradiction in terms. But Baiz was special.
Anyway, don’t go running off with the notion that I’m calling the Puck Pontiff a liar. Truth is, I believe him when he says there’s no plan to put up a For Sale sign at 300 Portage Ave., or to pitch tent elsewhere, as long as his and the 3rd Baron’s names are on the deed. (I know, I know, a wise acre would scoff and ask, “What did you expect him to say? He wasn’t going to appear on national TV and use buy-tickets-or-else scare tactics, like he did at a Chamber of Commerce luncheon and in an ill-advised marketing campaign last April.”)
I also believe Chipman believes he can win back the affections of the 3,000-plus people who’ve abandoned their seats in the Little Hockey House and reduced the season-ticket base from 13,000 to less than 10,000.
“I don’t think people expected us to sell out 10 years in a row, but we did,” the Puck Pontiff told Dreger. “So the fact that we did is what gives me hope and confidence and expectation that we can draw people back to watch the product that we’ve put together.”
Believe in the believer and fill the offering basket, brothers and sisters! Hallelujah!
Except for this: At no point did Chipman hold himself to account for mistakes made (he mentioned the pandemic three times, though), and he neglected to explain how True North will woo the 3,000 wanderers back to the fold.
Many among the rabble, after all, turned hostile last spring as the club floundered in its pursuit of a playoff berth, and the Puck Pontiff didn’t make many friends when his True North marketing arm unleashed an offensive Forever Winnipeg sales pitch, which featured clips from April 1996 when the original franchise skipped town. It was bullying and threatening in tone.
But fans bullied right back on social media, taking aim at customer service, pricing and indifference. They were royally PO’d.
“I can tell you that our group—we’ve got 300 full-time with us that are taking this very seriously—are working very, very hard at earning that customer base back and we have every confidence that we will,” was the Puck Pontiff’s closing comment to Dreger.
Again, he declined to share strategy or cop to missteps by himself or True North, but he did mention something about putting petrol in his car, so I guess things aren’t so bad that he has to ride a bus to the rink.
I suppose it’s all moot, though, because the Puck Pontiff has assured us that he and the 3rd Baron have no inclination toward selling out. Come hell, pandemic or low attendance, the Jets will be playing hockey in Good Ol’ Hometown as long as the Red and Assiniboine rivers meet at The Forks. Cross his heart and hope to win the Stanley Cup.
Question is: Is today’s truth the same truth 10 years from now?
A tip of the bonnet to Dreger for scoring his 18-plus minutes audience with the Puck Pontiff. It was quite a coup. I mean, Chipman normally spends as much time talking with news snoops as the Pope spends at a blackjack table, and most hand puppets have more to say.
Some among the rabble seem to think news snoops are making too much fuss about Jets attendance woes. One person took to X and instructed Scott Billeck to “promote” the Jets and the city, and he also wondered if the Winnipeg Sun scribe “personally” purchases season tickets. Meantime, the same person demanded that Mad Mike McIntyre of the Drab Slab also drop the low head count narrative. Apparently, it makes him sound like “the clown from the Sun.” Hoo boy. First of all, why would Billeck pay to go to work? Who does that? Second, coverage of the Jets since training camp commenced has been ultra-positive in both dailies. It’s so syrupy that it makes the few natural teeth I have left ache.
Does Chipman have a problem with news snoops focusing on empty seats at the Little Hockey House? “I think I understand why it’s news,” he told Dreger.
I found this remark from the Puck Pontiff to be a total load of hooey: “The team really belongs to the community. We get referred to as owners, but we’re really more stewards and that’s how we approach this.” Nice sentiment, but as phony as Pierre Poilievre’s smile. The Winnipeg Blue Bombers belong to the community, from the dirt in Brady Oliveira’s cleats to the ink on the bottom line of the budget, which we get to see. The Bombers are held accountable to and by the community. The Jets, on the other hand, belong to two filthy rich dudes, the Puck Pontiff and 3rd Baron, and we’ll see the ink on the bottom line of their financial statement when the Golden Boy puts on a pair of blue jeans.
For those of you scoring at home, here’s the line for Jets former Captain Cranky Pants, Blake Wheeler, now with the New York Rangers: 8 games, 0 goals, 0 assists, 0 points, -3 on a first-place team. Versus the Vancouver Canucks on Saturday night, he had 11 shifts and 7:30 ice time. Overall, he spends an average of 11:38 on the ice per game, compared to 17:02 last year with the Jets.
Out here on the Other Side Of The Rocks, many among the rabble are convinced that Canucks superb defenceman Quinn Hughes is grossly underrated, and geography is the reason. The thinking goes like this: Since puck-drop time for most games at Rogers Arena is 7 o’clock in Vancity, eastern scribes/natterbugs are already tucked in the kip, thus they’re seldom exposed to Hughes’ brilliance. There’s some truth to that. I mean, who in the NHL East Bloc is prepared to keep the eyelids open past midnight to watch the Canucks? Maybe Elliotte Friedman and a few others who don’t have a life. But…does a West Coast locale cost a player like Hughes support in NHL awards voting? No. To use the Toronto Maple Leafs as a comparison vs. West Coast outfits, here’s the scorecard on individual award winners voted on by members of the Professional Hockey Writers Association since 1970 (PHWA members choose winners of the Hart, Norris, Masterton, Selke, Calder and Lady Byng awards.):
Los Angeles Kings: 14.
San Jose Sharks: 5.
Maple Leafs: 5.
Canucks: 4.
Disney Ducks: 4.
Loved this quote from Travis Dermott after he’d defied the NHL’s stupid ban on Pride tape and used the rainbow colors on the shaft of his hockey stick in a game last Saturday: “Never been the rebellious type,” the Arizona Coyotes defender told The Canadian Press. “A lot of guys get on the front of the newspaper for the wrong reasons. But in talking with my family, this definitely isn’t something my daughter would be ashamed of when she’s old enough to understand.”
The ultimate irony, of course, is that Dermott missed the Coyotes Pride Night on Friday, due to illness. Go figure.
Guaranteed to not be performing during NHL all-star festivities in the Republic of Tranna, Feb. 2-3: The Village People, Brandi Carlile, Melissa Etheridge, Elton John, George Michael, Ricky Martin, Tracy Chapman, Lady Gaga, Fergie, kd Lang, Demi Lovato, Queen Latifah, Kim Petras. They’re all too gay for the NHL.
So, the NHL has told Shane Pinto to stand in the corner for Ottawa Senators next 41 skirmishes, because he committed a gambling no-no. What was his crime? The NHL would rather not say. They’re keeping it as clear as a jar of peanut butter, and all we know is the Senators forward did not—repeat: did not—wager on NHL games, and Pinto has apologized for what he didn’t do. Hey, maybe he bet on which player will be next to use Pride tape on his hockey stick.
Apparently, Joe Thornton retired on Saturday. Hands up anyone who knew he was still playing. I mean, when was the last time we saw Jumbo on an NHL freeze? During the Nixon administration?
Bravo to football news snoops in Good Ol’ Hometown for doing the right thing and anointing running back Brady Oliveira the Bombers nominee for Most Outstanding Player in Rouge Football. They could have taken the easy route and given the nod to quarterback Zach Collaros for a third successive season, so I applaud them. And I expect voters across the land to step in line and deliver the MOP trinket to Oliveira during Grey Cup hijinks next month in The Hammer.
The Bombers 36-13 romp vs. Calgary Stampeders on Friday night in Cowtown was win No. 96 for head coach Mike O’Shea, leaving him just six shy of the Silver Fox, Bud Grant, who set the standard for regular-season Ws with the storied Canadian Football League franchise. Coach Grunge is 96-62 in his 10 crusades as sideline steward, and an astonishing 84-38 once he found his footing, which is to say after his first two seasons. Who among us, other than Bombers chief cook and bottle washer Wade Miller, saw that coming when Coach Grunge was brought on board?
On the subject of CFL sideline stewards, Craig Dickenson was told to get out of Dodge by Saskatchewan Roughriders CEO Craig Reynolds after back-to-back 6-12 crusades, yet GM Jeremy O’Day has been rewarded with a three-year contract add-on. Does that make sense anywhere other than on the Flattest of Lands?
How to make friends and influence people: Tickets for the West Division semifinal between Calgary Stampeders and B.C. Leos next Saturday at B.C. Place start at $30 for adults and a rock-bottom $15 for youth 17-and-under. That isn’t a typo. It’s just 15 bucks for a Rouge Football playoff game. Leos bankroll Amar Doman continues to push all the right buttons.
They’re calling it the Manitoba Miracle out there on the University of Manitoba campus, because head coach Brian Dobie’s Bisons have qualified for the U Sports football playoffs in a most dramatic manner. Even though they came up short on the scoreboard, 35-23, vs. the Dinosaurs in Calgary on Saturday, the Herd earned a date with the UBC Thunderbirds in Vancouver on Nov. 4, and you’ll want to read Mike Still’s report on the wacko finish in Cowtown. It’s a fifth successive trip to the playoffs for the Bisons, a program record.
A tip of the bonnet to Don Taylor, longtime radio/TV sports gab guy out here on the Other Side Of The Rocks. Taylor, now host of Donnie and Dhali The Team on CHEK TV, has been informing and entertaining viewers and listeners on all things jock for more than 40 years, and he’s received his just reward with induction to the B.C. Sports Hall of Fame. Well done, Donnie.
Former U.S. President George W. Bush hurled the ceremonial first pitch before Game 1 of the World Series the other night, and I must say the 43rd commander-in-chief doesn’t walk. He struts. Like a Texan. Who’s spent a lot of time on the back of a quarterhorse. He’s not much of a pitcher, though. His ceremonial toss was a one-hopper to ceremonial catcher Pudge Rodriguez.
Apparently another former U.S. president, Donald J. Trump, watched the Bush pitch and was not impressed. “I once struck out Hank Aaron, Willie Mays and Mickey Mantle on consecutive at-bats one afternoon,” the ex-Commander-in-Fibbing told Sean Hannity on Fox News. “I had a fastball they couldn’t touch. Fast. Like nobody’s ever seen. Nobody. Ever. They tried to measure my fastball on the Jugs gun and the gun broke. Can you imagine that? Me breaking the Jugs gun? I’m usually so careful with jugs. Ask Stormy Daniels about that. They told me they’d never seen anything like it. Ever. The New York Yankees wanted to sign me. The New York Mets wanted to sign me. But I told them I had bone spurs, so the greatest career in the history of baseball never happened.”
And, finally, the Rolling Stones are at the top of the charts in the U.K., Australia and Germany with their new album, Hackney Diamonds, and The Beatles will be releasing a new single with John Lennon on lead vocals later this week. Welcome to the 1960s, kids. All that’s missing is Ed Sullivan and his “really big shew” and “little chickadees.”
The River City Renegade 
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