You call it Garbage Bag Day. I call it Blah, Blah, Blah Day.
Either way, I’m guessing the blah, blah, blah portion of last Thursday was more of a chore than a cheery exercise for the Winnipeg Jets, since they were also busy licking fresh wounds in the wake of another one-and-done ouster from the Stanley Cup tournament.
But let’s keep something in mind as we sift through the sound bites: Only one National Hockey League outfit can have an upbeat Blah, Blah, Blah Day.
The Jets have never been that team.
Thus, in their natters with local news snoops post-ouster, long faces and chatter of misgivings were as commonplace as white clothing had been at the Little Hockey House On The Prairie less than 48 hours earlier, when the Colorado Avalanche doused the locals’ Cup-hoisting aspirations with a 6-3 victory and a 4-1, first-round series success.
Central to the verbal to-and-fro was the man who generally manages the Jets, Kevin Cheveldayoff, who, among other things, is known for his inclination toward saying a mouthful without actually saying anything.
True to form, the GM delivered a tick or two more than 32 minutes of blah, blah, blah on Thursday and, as usual, much of it required translation.
But fear not. We’re here to decode his Chevy-speak. We’ll tell you not just what he said, but what he really said about another crusade gone wrong and what he plans to do to make it right.
Issue: The Jets defensive game being exposed as fraudulent vs. the Avalanche.
What Chevy said: “The other team has got, you know, talented players. Us sitting here saying it was all about us would be a disservice to the fact, you know, what kind of great players, great team and well coached and well managed in the organization that we matched up against.”
What Chevy really said: “Why can’t I have nice, shiny toys like Nate MacKinnon, Cale Makar, Mikko Rantanen and Valeri Nichushkin?”
Issue: His players navel gazing after coming up short yet again.
What Chevy said: “I don’t know that I had that same level of self-reflection in the conversations that we had with the players last year.”
What Chevy really said: “Well, duh. I don’t have to remind you that a year ago our coach Rick Bowness bruised the players egos after Vegas handed us our butts in five games, so the players stomped their feet and held their breath and threw Bones under the bus during their exit interviews. It was sourpuss central. Nice to see they’re seeing themselves, not Bones, in the mirror this year.”
Issue: An apparent lack of playoff intensity.
What Chevy said: “Well, I think…you know, you stand up here and you’re asked to, um, articulate things and put things into words or put things into labels, um, and everyone then interprets what those labels mean to them. Um, labels may not necessarily mean the same thing to a player.”
What Chevy really said: “Label me a flop. I haven’t built a playoff-ready team.”
Issue: The Jets’ habit of bowing out of the playoffs with little muss, little fuss.
What Chevy said: “Emotions right now, you know again, maybe we’re stupid to do, you know, exits 48 hours after, you know, something, you know, this hard because, um, you know again, sometimes, you know, people say things and they don’t mean it or sometimes they mean things but don’t say it. But, again, that’s why there’s open dialogue here with our group.”
What Chevy really said: “Um, you know, again, I see the same trend that you guys see, only I have to pretend I don’t see it so I don’t have to say something I don’t mean.”
Issue: The reputation of the Jets organization.
What Chevy said: “We want to, certainly, be a sense of pride for the city of Winnipeg, um, you know, for all our fans. Um, it’s important. Like, it’s um, this city is unique. Um, obviously it’s one of the smallest markets in the National Hockey League. But, um, I kind of liken it to, you know, and we’ve all kind of done it when you’re a kid or something, you drop a pebble, you know, into the water and sometimes, you know, when you’ve got a big body of water you drop the pebble in and there’s waves and it just kind of goes off. Well, in our small market like that, you drop a pebble into the water, there’s waves, and it keeps coming back, ’cause that’s the emotions. These people, you know, these fans, they’re emotional, they care, and that’s…standing here today is probably the hardest thing, honestly. Like, you can talk to the players, I feel for them, but, you know again…the whiteout just never ceases to amaze you. And, you know, when you got people saying, ‘Couldn’t put my finger on a map and tell you where Winnipeg is, but man that building was…that was off the hook.’ It says a lot about our, you know, fan base and I’m gonna do my damndest to try to keep pushing it.”
What Chevy really said: “The wave is the water and the water is the wave. And I really hope some elite free agents find us on a map this summer, Grasshopper.”
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the greatest goaltender of them all? Well, let’s ask Connor Hellebuyck, who was neither great nor ghastly vs. Colorado. “You’re probably not gonna believe when I say I was probably playing the best hockey of my career, but it’s truly how I was feeling,” the Jets keeper said, with a straight face. I’m guessing heads were scratched and jaws hit the floor when he delivered that “say-what?” sound bite, and I swear I heard a gasp. I mean, 24 goals in five appearances, a 5.23 goals-against average, an .870 save percentage? Come on, man. Hey, Hellebuyck isn’t the reason Winnipeg HC coughed up a hair ball, because they were underwhelming on every inch of the freeze, and that includes the blue paint. But that was Hellebuyck’s best work like Paul McCartney’s best work has been post-Beatles’ breakup.
I don’t think self-reflection is Hellebuyck’s strength. For example, I direct your attention to Blah, Blah, Blah Day in 2018, scant hours after he had been out-goalied by Marc-Andre Fleury in the Western Conference final vs. Vegas Golden Knights. “I like my game,” Hellebuyck said, also with a straight face. “I like it a lot more (than Fleury’s). I think it’s bad luck. The stars are aligning for them. Maybe it was just the luck. They got some lucky bounces on me. And that’s the truth.” Oy.
Tip of the bonnet to Rick Bowness, one of three finalists as best bench boss in the NHL. Question is, would the Jack Adams Award be a parting gift for Bones? The guy’s been in hockey longer than the Zamboni, so maybe he’s tired of trying to push square pegs into round holes and would like to spend more time with his bride, Judy. My guess? The Jets will ask him back for a third crusade, but he’ll decline and spend more time with Judy.
On the subject of bench puppeteers, Jon Cooper really stepped in it last week when he suggested the NHL “put skirts” on goaltenders who are too delicate for the rigors of playoff hockey. Yup, that’s sexist. Acknowledging his verbal oops, the Tampa Bay Lightning coach and papa of twin daughters was quick to deliver a mea culpa, saying his remark was “inappropriate” and “wrong. I had to go explain myself to my girls. I sincerely apologize to all I offended. It’s pained me more than the actual series loss itself.” Cooper seems like one of the genuinely good guys in the game, so one hesitates to throw bricks at him, especially after an apology that rings heartfelt rather than the recitation of something from a team PR flack. Still, it’s disheartening to be reminded that women as lesser-thans remains one of the two main go-to put-downs in men’s hockey. It really shouldn’t be a 21st-century talking point.
Let me see if I’ve got this straight: The Vancouver Canucks were one hour away from puck-drop in Game 6 of their do-si-do with the Nashville Predators on Friday night, yet the first 13 minutes on the early edition of TSN SportsCentre was devoted to the Toronto Maple Leafs, who didn’t suit up for another 24 hours! Good gawd. The least they can do is try to pretend there are NHL teams in the colonies.
Note to TSN mucky-mucks: I realize it’s black-armband season for you now that your beloved Maple Leafs have been deep-sixed by the Boston Bruins, but be advised the Canucks and Edmonton Oilers meet in Round 2 of the Stanley Cup tournament. If you aren’t too busy showing us highlights of Mitch Marner and Auston Matthews on the golf course, would it be too much of a bother for you to squeeze in a mention or two of the only Canadian teams still standing?
Who will be the first news snoop in the Republic of Tranna to bellyache about puck-drop in the E-Town-Vancity series being past their beddy-bye time? My guess: Steve Simmons of Postmedia.
Did you get a gander of Marner on David Pastrnak’s OT goal that ended the Leafs season on Saturday night? He moved with all the urgency of a condemned man heading to the gallows. Old farts playing shuffleboard on a cruise ship are more spry. The same can be said of Toronto rearguard Morgan Rielly, who appeared to be skating in quicksand and waved at Pastrnak like he was seeing a friend off at the bus depot. But I guess that’s what $10.903 million and $7.5 million buys you these days.
Actually, if we peek into the pay envelopes of all 12 players on the freeze when Pastrnak scored to provide the Bruins with a 2-1 W over les Leafs in Game 7 of their opening-round set, we find that the Toronto six had contracts worth $46,790,366 million compared to $32,075,000 for the Boston six. Here’s the breakdown:
Leafs
John Tavares $11 million
Mitch Marner $10.903 million
Morgan Rielly $7.5 million
Nylander $6,962,366 ($11.5 next season)
Ilya Samsonov $3.55 million
Ilya Lyubushkin $687,500
Bruins
David Pastrnak $11.25 million
Hampus Lindholm $6.5 million
Pavel Zacha $4.75 million
Brandon Carlo $4.1 million
Jeremy Swayman $3.475 million
Morgan Geekie $2 million
Just wondering: Will Leafs GM Brad Treliving explain to us one more time why he felt obliged to recruit Ryan Reaves? Wasn’t his snark supposed to be a difference-maker in the playoffs? Yup. Yet while the Leafs were losing a Game 7 to the Bruins once again, Reaves was munching on popcorn. Go figure.
Saw these headlines on consecutive days on the Toronto Star website last week:
“The curtain is coming down on another disappearing act by the Maple Leafs offence.”
Then…
“Why all is not lost for the Maple Leafs against the Bruins (seriously).”
The accompanying columns were written by the same scribe, Dave Feschuk, but it’s only fair to point out that writers write and copy editors provide headlines that don’t always match the copy they’re editing.
Whatever the case, it’s the latest example of Chicken Little Syndrome and, as I’ve written, nobody does it better than the rabble in the Republic of Tranna.
Things that make me go hmmm, Vol. 1,177: Rick Tocchet is a finalist for NHL coach-of-the-year. Quinn Hughes is a finalist for top rearguard. Elias Pettersson is a finalist for the Lady Byng Trophy. All three have Vancouver postal codes. Hmmm. Does that mean news snoops on The Other Side Of The Rocks will finally shut the hell up about an eastern bias in awards voting?
Interesting question from Murat Ates of The Athletic on X: “Who is your favorite PWHL writer?” You mean there’s such as thing as favorite sports scribes? Who knew?
I could be wrong, but I seem to recall a time when the Los Angeles Lakers were one of the National Basketball Association’s class organizations. Now they seem to dispose of coaches the way Donald Trump goes through lawyers. Darvin Ham is the latest to leave the building, and it’s fair to wonder if anyone can make LeBron James happy.
Legal mouthpieces for Chad Kelly and the Toronto Argos have filed paperwork claiming he’s innocent of all wrong-doing. He did not—repeat, did not!— sexually harass or otherwise mistreat a female conditioning coach. In other news, the Argos QB also did not invade a strangers’ home, he did not start a bar brawl, he did not start a brawl at a high school football game, he was not kicked out of college, he did not punch out a videographer. Why, I suspect the Catholic church won’t wait until Chad’s ashes are in an urn before canonizing him. He’s already achieved sainthood.
And, finally, so nice to see old friend Rod Black’s kid Tyler make his Major League Baseball debut with Milwaukee Brewers last week, and also to see and hear Blackie call young Tyler’s second base knock in a 2-for-4 baptism. “I think we’re gonna start drinking heavily,” the damp-eyed Transcona Rod joked on the Bally Sports broadcast after Tyler had stroked the ball into right-centrefield. Fabulous stuff.
The River City Renegade 
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