Let’s talk about Christivus gifts and the airing of Sports Santa’s grievances in a year of fart parcels and passing gas

Happy Christivus, kids, and welcome to Sports Santa’s annual gift-giving and airing of grievances, celebrated annually on the day between Festivus and Christmas. Let us begin…

GIFT: Contrary to what the supermarket tabloids tell us or what we see on our flatscreens, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce cooing and cuddling was not the feel-good football story of the year, even if their tryst has attracted more eyeballs than the moon landing.

Instead, I direct your attention to Maya Turner, lady place-kicker extraordinaire and barrier-buster.

Maya delivered the warm-and-fuzzies on a Saturday afternoon of firsts in September, when she a) became the first female to participate in a regular-season U Sports men’s football game, and b) became the first female to score. But that wasn’t the last word on her debut. It got better. There was also the matter of the storybook ending, which Maya authored with the swing of her right leg in double OT, her field goal lifting the 0-fer University of Manitoba Bisons to their first W of the season. Maya finished the year 11-for-14 in FG attempts (longest 48 yards) and 16-for-16 in converts. (Just wondering: Do you suppose she’s a Swiftie?)

GIFT: No surprise that U of M head coach Brian Dobie would pooh-pooh gender stereotyping and give Maya her chance to compete with, and against, the boys. Brian’s one of the truly good guys in sports, and he operates an equal-opportunity program on the south side of Winnipeg. He gets it.

LUMP O’ COAL: Former footy manager/Premier League player Joey Barton overdosed on misogyny pills after England and Manchester United goalkeeper Mary Earps was anointed BBC Sports Personality of the Year. Barton reckons that snooker star Ronnie O’Sullivan or jockey Frankie Dettori would have been more suitable winners, and he described Earps as “a big sack of spuds that plays in goal for a girls’ team.” He also boasted he’d score on Earps 100 times out of 100 penalty attempts, “Any day of the week. Twice on a f—ing Sunday.” Sigh. Barton previously took aim at female commentators in men’s futbol, saying, “Women shouldn’t be commentating with any kind of authority on the men’s game.” And any bloke who disagrees with him is “an absolute fart parcel.” Double sigh.

LUMP O’ COAL: Spain’s now-defrocked slimeball futbol kingpin, Luis Rubiales, celebrated the country’s Women’s World Cup title by planting a smooch on Spanish star Jenni Hermoso’s lips and also grabbed his crotch, which might have been his way of saluting the flag. Rubiales refused to go gentle into the night, but a sexual assault charge and unrelenting international scorn convinced FIFA to give him the official kiss off. He was told to get lost for three years.

GIFT: Christine Sinclair went home to beautiful B.C. to bid adieu to our national women’s soccer side in a friendly vs. Australia, and dry eyes were scarce. It was a lovely, emotional farewell to a footy legend and Canadian treasure.

GIFT: Mark and Kimbra Walter brought great gobs of coin and renewed life to Ponytail Puck when they unlocked the vault to purchase the Premier Hockey Federation in June, then create the Professional Women’s Hockey League. Six franchises to be named later will drop the puck next month, and the three Canadian sides (Montreal, Ottawa, Republic of Tranna) are talking about performing in sold-out barns and/or in front of record-setting gatherings for their home openers.

LUMP O’ COAL: Let’s make it an entire coal bin for Puck Czar Gary Bettman, who exposed the “Hockey Is For Everyone” rallying cry as the National Hockey League’s Trademark Big Lie. First, he gave the NHL’s 700-plus players his official okie-dokie to make anti-gay statements (i.e. refusing to wear Pride specialty jerseys in warmup.) “We continue to encourage voices on social and cultural issues,” he said. (Oh hell, Gary, why not just say, “You have the right to be a bigot!” and be done with it?) Next, to spare bigoted players public scorn, he banned all specialty jerseys, but we all know it was a ban on Pride jerseys. He called them “a distraction” and he was right—the bigotry became a distraction. Then he put the kibosh on Pride tape, outlawing its use pre-game, in-game, at practice, and whenever any NHL player wanted to join in a spirited game of street hockey with the neighborhood kids. Puck Czar Gary stopped short of barring those in the LGBT(etc.) community from purchasing tickets and entering the NHL’s 32 barns, but, hey, the year isn’t over.

LUMP O’ COAL: Ivan Provorov, then of the Philly Flyers, started the NHL’s Rainbow Resistance Movement last January when he refused to play along with teammates while they frolicked, pre-game, on Pride Night. As they flitted about the freeze in special Pride unis, the Russian Orthodox rearguard sat in the team changing room, searching for Bible scripture to support his anti-LGBT(etc.) beliefs. He became Pied Piper to seven other NHLers—James Reimer, Eric Staal, Marc Staal, Ilya Samsonov, Ilya Lyubushkin, Andrei Kuzmenko, Denis Gurianov—and three teams—New York Rangers, Chicago Blackhawks, Minnesota Wild—to form the Rainbow Resistance Movement. The players cited either religion or Russia’s anti-gay laws to explain their position, whichever was most convenient.

GIFT: Travis Dermott of the Arizona Coyotes, recognizing that the Pride tape ban was a truly dumb directive, flipped Puck Czar Gary the bird (figuratively) and used the Rainbow wrap on the shaft of his stick. More recently, Connor McDavid was observed with Pride tape on the blade of his stick, and New Jersey Devils players arrived at their rink wearing specialty Pride jerseys. Civilization as we know it did not crumble.

GIFT: The man is a motormouth beyond compare and his rants on various platforms, including ESPN, induce hemorrhaging of the ears, but Stephen A. Smith delivered my favorite sound bite of the year. Noting that world-class glutton Joey Chestnut had successfully defended his Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog pigout title by scarfing down 62 tube steaks in 10 minutes, Smith said: “It’s nasty as shit. His significant other does not want to be around him for the next few days. It’s gonna be a lot of gas passed. It’s a lot of gas. I know ’cause I don’t eat hot dogs like that and I pass gas sometimes. Stay away from me. I don’t want to meet you. You might burp and I might smell it from a mile away. I don’t need that in my life. No, no, no.”

GIFT: Also in the favorite-quotes category were New York Mets broadcaster Keith (Magic Loogie) Hernandez and hockey natterbug Greg Millen.
First Hernandez, who offered this batting tip: “You want to always be erect when you make contact. Like a telephone pole!”
Now Millen, on the Calgary Flames: “If you’re not scoring, ya gotta find ways to score.”

GIFT: Scant seconds after the Winnipeg Jets had been ushered out of the Stanley Cup tournament by Vegas Golden Knights, head coach Rick Bowness was in no mood to pat his players on their delicate egos. Instead, Bones had the (apparent) bad manners to deliver a public flogging. He noted the absence of pushback against Vegas and described the Game 5 effort as “crap,” saying he was “disgusted. Their better players were so much better than ours, it wasn’t even close.” Hmmm. Rick Bowness unplugged. Bravo, Bones.

LUMP O’ COAL: Bones wanted pushback from his players? He got it on garbage bag day. His truth bomb had lower lips drooping in the changing room, and the poor dears boo-hooed their way through season-ending natters with news snoops. The Sad Sack bunch that wouldn’t push back vs. Vegas attacked Bowness, dissing their bench puppeteer as a big meanie who stole their lunch money. And, no surprise, it was now-departed former Captain Cranky Pants Blake Wheeler leading the group pout. It was a pathetic, whine-and-cheesy pity party that confirmed the time for Wheeler to leave the building was long overdue.

GIFT: Many pundits expected Puck Pontiff Mark Chipman and GM Kevin Cheveldayoff to go all Property Brothers and undertake a massive renovation of the Jets roster. You know, strip it to the studs! Instead, the reno was limited to shedding themselves of a very bad contract, Wheeler’s, and peddling sourpuss centre Pierre-Luc Dubois to Tinseltown in barter for Gabriel Vilardi, Alex IaFallo and Rasmus Kupari. They then convinced 30somethings Mark Scheifele and Connor Hellebuyck to stay for the duration, signing both to seven-year extensions that kick in next year. Those contracts will age about as well as a carton of milk in a desert sun, but they seem to have already stirred something fresh into Scheifele’s game and the Jets overall brew (see current NHL standings).

LUMP O’ COAL: The Jets season-ticket campaign Forever Winnipeg last spring came across as a buy-or-else threat to the rabble, rather than a rah-rah pep rally. I mean, you might show film of a funeral to sell caskets and long, black cars, but you don’t do it to lure warm bodies to the Little Hockey House On The Prairie. Yet the geniuses in the True North Sports + Entertainment marketing department decided Forever Winnipeg should include footage of Jets 1.0 skipping town in April 1996, a grim reminder of the Day of the Long Faces. That was totally lame-o.

GIFT: Same as last year, Kerri Einarson, Val Sweeting, Shannon Birchard and Briane Harris brought pebble glory to the centre of the curling universe, winning the Scotties Tournament of Hearts. If you’re scoring at home, that’s four in a row for the Gimli Girls and, if all goes well, they’ll hunt down a fifth title in Calgary two months from now. Go get ’em, girls!

GIFT: I suppose there are some elite curlers who wish Jennifer Jones would take up another hobby (beach combing, collecting stamps, birding…anything!) to occupy her time at age 49, but our country’s Grand Dame of Pebble People won’t oblige. Jen & the 20somethings— Karlee Burgess, Mackenzie Zacharias, Emily Zacharias, Lauren Lenentine—won the Manitoba title (Jen’s ninth as a skip) and they didn’t stop winning until the final of the national Scotties, when they ran up against the juggernaut known as Team Einarson.

GIFT: The Grey Cup champion Montreal Larks wrote a gripping yarn in Rouge Football, starting with the purchase of the orphaned franchise by media mogul Pierre-Karl Péladeau and culminating in a happily-ever-after finish in the Grey Cup game. Ya, it’s a total bummer that the Larks torpedoed the Winnipeg Blue Bombers’ bid to grab the Grey Grail for the third time in four seasons, but I like it when a filthy rich guy buys a sports toy and stays the hell out of the way so the football minds can do their work. And GM Danny Maciocia, sideline steward Jason Maas and QB Cody Fajardo definitely got the job done for Monsieur Péladeau.

GIFT: Amar Doman is another Rouge Football bankroll who has the smarts to let the football people with his B.C. Leos do the football things. Doman focuses on getting bodies into the pews at B.C. Place, and if that means recruiting LL Cool J or OneRepublic to fill chairs, he opens the wallet then steps aside.

GIFT: When he wasn’t rescuing dogs, Brady Oliveira was running over, under and around Canadian Football League defenders. The Bombers tailback topped the three-downs game in rushing, yards from scrimmage and touchdowns.

LUMP O’ COAL: The Football Reporters of Canada were under the misguided notion that Chad Kelly was the most outstanding player in the CFL, even though the Toronto Argos quarterback led the league in absolutely nothing. I’m not convinced he was the best QB, let alone the premier overall player. The George Reed MOP trinket belonged to Oliveira.

LUMP O’ COAL: Davis Sanchez of the CFL on TSN panel compared Kelly to Doug Flutie: “(Kelly’s) that good, that talented.” Oh, put a sock in it Chez!

GIFT: The football writers got one thing right: They finally inducted a woman into the Media Wing of the Canadian Football Hall of Fame. Vicki Hall became the first female to join 104 men in the old boys’ club, and it shouldn’t have taken this long.

LUMP O’ COAL: If Globe and Mail jock columnist Cathal Kelly scribbled anything from The Hammer during Grey Cup week, I missed it. How does a national newspaper skip the national football final and the accompanying hijinks? The mind boggles.

LUMP O’ COAL: How does the Drab Slab (Winnipeg Free Press) continue to publish a sports section without a sports columnist?

LUMP O’ COAL: The Drab Slab ran an editorial on the hassle between Soccer Canada and our women’s national side, which stated: “This dispute is not just about resources. It’s also about respect. Women’s sport has chronically been devalued and dismissed, and often ignored entirely. It would be a shame for the beautiful game to continue to be marred by such ugly gender inequalities.” Sorry, but here’s what’s actually shameful: The opinionists at the Freep refuse to recognize the “ugly gender inequalities” on their own sports pages.

LUMP O’ COAL: Damien Cox of the Toronto Star also weighed in on the matter of male/female sports coverage, submitting this nugget of nonsense: “It certainly seems acutely unbalanced” Yikes! It seems unbalanced? That’s like saying Shaquille O’Neal seems to be bigger than Simone Biles.

GIFT: The Drab Slab continues to dispatch scribes hither and yon to cover the Jets, Bombers and big-ticket curling events. That’s how it’s supposed to be done.

GIFT: Paul Friesen, Ted Wyman and Scott Billeck keep fighting the good fight for the Winnipeg Sun, even though the parent company, Postmedia, has their hands tied behind their backs and their feet in shackles.

LUMP O’ COAL: No one is as prolific at airing grievances as Steve Simmons, and the Postmedia Tranna columnist didn’t disappoint in 2023. He spent much of the year yelling at the kids on his lawn, and his grousing included this gobsmacking gem: “I do love watching the Masters, but I wonder: Can we edit out the bird chirping that’s heard in the background?” (Oh, yes, by all means, Steve. And perhaps we can also take a weed whacker to those pesky azaleas at Augusta National. Good grief. You know a guy’s achieved cranky old man status when springtime delights like birds chirping disturbs his couch potatoing.)

LUMP O’ COAL: When Tiger Woods wasn’t missing the cut at the few golf tournaments he entered, he was playing frat boy pranks, like handing Justin Thomas a tampon after out-driving him at the Genesis Invitational. It was Tiger’s way of saying, “You play like a girl, fella.” You know, giggles between buds. Well, tee-hee. Tiger is funny like a bag of Old Dutch potato chips and a Slurpee is French cuisine. And, as an aside, where did he get that tampon? At the neighborhood 7-Eleven or from his teenage daughter, Sam?

And, finally, happy ho-ho-ho to all and may none of your sports heroes fall from their pedestals in 2024.

Let’s talk about the Chipper & Chevy Wrecking & Salvage Co. and Nashville North…LL Cool J and the Leos…a doggy diploma…smile, you’re a Leafs fan…what about our soccer women and Marie-Philip?…Stephen A. wants to be a big wheel…and other things on my mind…

If I’m reading and hearing correctly, we’re about to see the biggest teardown in Good Ol’ Hometown since the wrecking ball whacked into the old Eaton’s building to make room for The Little Hockey House On The Prairie.

The Puck Pontiff and Chevy

Oh, yes, we’re told Puck Pontiff Mark Chipman and GM Kevin Cheveldayoff have put on their hard hats, pulled on their work boots and strapped on their tool belts, and they haven’t done any of that just to change a light bulb. Why, by the time the Chipper & Chevy Wrecking & Salvage Co. has finished its dirty work at Portage and Donald, the Winnipeg Jets roster will look like something the Property Brothers slapped together during a drinking binge.

Destined for parts unknown, we’re told, are Blake Wheeler, Pierre-Luc Dubois, Rink Rat Scheifele and Connor Hellebuyck, cornerstones all.

It’s like Pete Best kicking John, Paul, George and Ringo out of the band.

Except for this: It’s unlikely to happen, and I’ll tell you why.

The pundits on our flatscreens, the boys on the beat, the bloggers and the keyboard warriors on social media predicting a massive reno are discounting one very significant reality: Ownership/management holds hard to the illogical (idiotic?) notion that the Jets current core has not yet arrived at its best-before date. That is, Chipman and Cheveldayoff fail, or refuse, to see and hear what the rest of us see and hear.

We see a roster with greying trail horses, they see Secretariat’s offspring. We hear players braying like jackasses about head coach Rick Bowness, they hear the Rolling Stones’ greatest hits.

Thus, they continue to harbor faith in a bunch that never fails to fail them.

Connor Hellebuyck

“If you look at all the different components as to why you think you should be able to compete for a Stanley Cup, I think we’ve got it,” Chevy said as recently as March, at the National Hockey League shop-and-swap deadline.

Has a first-round ouster from the Stanley Cup tournament softened that belief? Doubtful.

Oh, sure, they’ll do something eventually, because they really have no choice due to expiring contracts and those ugly, season-end natters with news snoops, whereby the players conspired to verbally ragdoll Bowness. But the operative word is “eventually.”

Expect the Puck Pontiff/Chevy to mostly twiddle their thumbs in the leadup to, and during, the NHL Entry Draft (June 28-29), then send the same cast of characters to skate around the mulberry bush next autumn. That’s because it isn’t in their DNA to be ballsy until someone has pushed them onto a ledge, and they aren’t quite there yet. Keep in mind they have until next year’s trade deadline to move out any or all of Dubois, Hellebuyck, Scheifele and Wheeler, so why do today what they can do tomorrow, right?

To dawdle would, of course, be folly, but I’m not sure they know how to operate at a cadence other than slow and plodding.

And that was “the plan” from the get-go.

You’re reminded that when the Jets joined the fray, Chipman wanted his franchise to become Nashville North, even if The Burt in Good Ol’ Hometown could never be a reasonable facsimile of the high temple of twang—the Grand Ole Opry House—in Music City.

As it related solely to the business of hockey, Nashville was his role model.

“That may sound strange to people in Winnipeg, that Nashville’s a team we’ve looked so carefully at,” Chipman informed news snoops in April 2012. “They’ve done it methodically, they’ve done it by developing their players and they’ve done it with a consistency in management and philosophy.”

That was said at a time when the Jets still had that new-car smell and Chipman was a man of the people, for the people, and readily shared his musings with a constituency that was in a teenage-like swoon and filled the NHL’s smallest barn in its smallest market to the brim each night.

Blake Wheeler

Alas, more latterly the Puck Pontiff has had less to say than a hand puppet, and empty chairs in The Little Hockey House On The Prairie might have something to do with that.

Many reasons have been advanced to explain 1,749 customers (per night) abandoning the Jets post-pandemic—too costly, crummy game-day experience, the concessions suck, fallout from COVID-19, ownership/management don’t give a damn, etc.—but dissatisfaction with the on-ice product surely is part of the equation.

So let’s examine that Nashville North thing.

In choosing to copy-cat the Predators, Chipman wasn’t exactly going for the gusto. (He was no Bill Foley of the Vegas Golden Knights predicting, and delivering, a Stanley Cup parade by Year Six.) The Puck Pontiff fancied the Preds’ measured, steady-as-she-goes path, and we need only examine the numbers through 12 crusades and one pandemic to confirm the mediocrity of his hockey club.

Jets first 12 seasons…
0 first-place finishes
7 missed playoffs
3 playoff series wins

Predators first 12 seasons…
0 first-place finishes
6 missed playoffs
1 playoff series win

If meh-ness is what the Puck Pontiff was looking for as a Nashville wannabe, he’s succeeded.

Rink Rat Scheifele

The Jets draft-and-develop strategy always made sense (still does) because, although not the be-all and end-all of building a Stanley Cup contender/winner, it’s a tried-and-true method. And, back in the spring of 2018, it appeared to be working, with the Jets advancing to the Final Four.

But then draft-and-develop morphed into draft-develop-and-defection, and if the Jets lead the NHL in anything, it’s this repeated headline: “(Fill in player name) wants out of Dodge!”

Seriously, they’ve had more guys looking for a new home than you’ll find in a refugee camp, and skipping town wasn’t part of the original Nashville North plan.

So what’s “the plan” 12 years in?

Well, that’s the $64,000 question, isn’t it?

Since the Puck Pontiff has entered a witness protection program and Cheveldayoff has perfected the art of saying nothing while saying everything, we can only guess which direction the Jets are heading, but I’m betting they stay the course.

The Puck Pontiff wanted Nashville North and, by gum, he’s got it. And it’s meant more hurt than the songs on a Merle Haggard album for his team’s increasingly hostile fan base.

I believe that Dubois is the only one of the aforementioned cornerstones likely to be accommodated pronto. Which brings to mind something I scribbled in January 2021, after the transaction that brought Dubois to Good Ol’ Hometown in barter for Patrik Laine and Jack Roslovic: “Hey, anyone can be traded, including Patrik Laine. And the Jets will learn to live without Puck Finn. But that doesn’t mean anyone should be traded. Chevy and the Puck Pontiff bungled this one. Badly. And if they can’t convince Dubois to sign up for the long haul, they’ll really wear it.” Two years and five months later, it’s an even bigger bungle if the player they receive for Dubois has no plans to stay long enough to unpack his bags.

This is interesting: There’s a woman in Japan—Keiko Kawano—who teaches people how to smile. True story. Keiko is a smile coach at Egaoiku (translation: Smile Education), and apparently she can work wonders for people who have forgotten how to smile. You know, like Toronto Maple Leafs fans.

There are now more than 40 million folks who call Our Frozen Tundra home. And still the Maple Leafs can’t find a goaltender.

The TV numbers are in, and they aren’t flattering for shinny…
NHL final between the Golden Knights and Florida Panthers on TNT/TBS: Average of 2.6 million viewers for five games.
NBA final between the Denver Nuggets and Miami Heat on ABC: Average of 11.6 million viewers for five games.
Just wondering: Why do Americans love one of the games we invented, but treat the other like it has the cooties?

I wouldn’t walk across the street to watch LL Cool J perform, but 30,000-plus people were in B.C. Place to watch the rapper perspire (the man is a human waterfall) on Saturday, and if that’s what it takes for Amar Doman to make his Canadian Football League franchise relevant in an indifferent market, then I say go for it. The rabble, also the TSN panel, seemed to enjoy the LL experience, even if the entertainment value dipped significantly once the large man who perspires in rhymes gave way to the large men who play football. I mean, really, the Edmonton Elks scored zero points? In Rouge Football? Like, who does that? Well, the B.C. Leos, 22-0 winners, hadn’t pitched a shutout since 1977, and the Elks hadn’t been victim of a donut since 1976. I believe that’s also when LL Cool J wrote his first rhyme.

We’re two weeks into the Rouge Football season and you might have noticed some of the quarterbacking. Gawdawful. But then there’s Zach Collaros of the 2W, 0L Winnipeg Blue Bombers. Still brilliant.

Also brilliant: Bombers kick returner extraordinaire Janarion Grant.

Things that make me go hmmm, Vol. 2,157: A service dog named Justin recently received a diploma from Seton Hall University in New Jersey. Hmmm. That puts the pooch one up on 99.9 per cent of American college football players.

Predictably, there was a great rush to find the proper place for Nick Taylor on the pecking order of grand sporting achievements on Our Frozen Tundra, after the Winnipeg-born golfer had ker-plunked a 72-foot putt on a fourth extra hole to win the Canadian Open last Sunday. Naturally, the Paul Henderson goal has been mentioned, ditto Sid Crosby’s golden goal. Then there’s Joe Carter touching ’em all and Donovan Bailey skedaddling to Olympic gold and Mike Weir taming Augusta National. But the sole female name I heard was Brooke Henderson. What about Marie-Philip Poulin’s golden goal(s)? Take your pick. She’s had four of them, notably an OT tally in the 2014 Olympics championship skirmish. How about Bianca Andreescu whupping Serena Williams to win the U.S. Open tennis title? And, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t our soccer women win gold just 22 months ago at the Summer Olympic Games? That wasn’t as riveting, as pulse-pumping and as nation-unifying as a guy winning a golf tournament? Come on, man.

I can tell you where I was when Henderson scored in 1972 (at home in Transcona). I can tell you where I was when Marie-Philip scored in OT in 2014 (in a below-street-level nightclub, taking a break from mopping floors and scrubbing toilets). I can tell you where I was when our women’s soccer side beat Sweden on penalty kicks in 2021 (at home in downtown Victoria). But I cannot tell you where I was when Sid the Kid scored, when Carter touched ’em all, when Bailey crossed the finish line, or when Weir sank his tap-in putt at Augusta. So my personal pecking order is: 1) Henderson (always and forever), 2) women’s soccer side, 3) Marie-Philip.

If you’re looking for a fab read on freshly minted Canadian Open champion Nick Taylor, check out Mad Mike McIntyre’s recent piece in the Drab Slab. As my first sports editor, Jack Matheson, would say, it’s damn good stuff.

Stephen A. Smith says he fancies the notion of subbing for Pat Sajak, who plans to walk away from his gig as host of Wheel Of Fortune after one more season. Stephen A. also says he wouldn’t quit his day job as ESPN’s resident ranting-and-raving loudmouth on all things sports were he to step in for Sajak. He’d be willing and prepared to do it all. Is there an E, a G and an O on the board, Vanna?

The Los Angeles Country Club in Beverly Hills, site of the U.S. Open golf championship, has a lengthy list of taboos for members, like no wearing ball caps backwards, no short pants, no cash (except payment to caddies), no headphones and ear buds and, oddest of them all, no actors allowed. I can’t say that I blame them for not wanting people who pretend to be someone they’re not. You know, like Donald Trump, still pretending to be President of the U.S.

Bell Canada sent 1,300 people to the unemployment line last Wednesday, and that included jock talk radio in Edmonton. No notice. No hint. Just hit the bricks, people. Meantime, The Athletic put 20 people out of work, and Postmedia also did some slicing and dicing to sports staff in the past week. Does Bell Canada want to “Let’s Talk” about any of this, or are the suits too busy spilling blood to concern themselves with the mental well-being of employees?

A man in a cheap checkered suit from the Republic of Tranna climbed atop a desk in the Winnipeg Tribune newsroom on Aug. 27, 1980, and told us we were all out of work. Like the Bell Canada cuts, there was no heads-up. Scant hours earlier, I had been helping put together the sports pages, editing copy and writing headlines, but that morning I was wondering about finding a new gig, contemplating the possibility of relocation to another city, how long my severance package would last and, worst-case scenario, applying for pogey. I also silently cursed myself for turning down an offer to join the Winnipeg Free Press stable of sports scribes a few years earlier. I had been at the Trib since age 18, and its closure was a life-altering development, easily the most stressful time of my life. I felt lonely, lost and useless. I’m not sure I’ve ever fully gotten over losing that job. I hope all victims of the Bell, The Athletic and Postmedia cuts find their way.

Here’s how old I am: Whenever I see the name Epstein trending on Twitter, I always think it’s about the now-deceased, one-time Beatles manager Brian, only to discover it’s about the now-deceased sex trafficker and criminal creep Jeffrey Epstein.

Can we all please get past the Conor McGregor thing, whatever it is? His appearances at sporting events simply to make an ass of himself grew old quite some time ago, yet media outlets continue to insist that there’s a there there. There isn’t.

Hey, one of the all-time good guys, Ted Foreman, has been saluted and feted by the Rotary Club of Winnipeg-Fort Garry for his many years of volunteer work. I got to know Teddy through hockey, notably while working the Jets beat, but he was also heavily into the Fort Garry Blues. A good man and fun guy.

Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal

Okay, stop it right there! Winning the most men’s Grand Slam singles titles is not merit enough to certify Novak Djokovic as the finest male tennis player of all time. If that were true, Margaret Court’s 24 Slam singles titles would make her the greatest female player of all time, and who thinks that? Perhaps ol’ Maggie believes she is, but I can’t think of anyone else who’d go there. If Grand Slams are the measuring stick, Rafael Nadal has an 11-7 record vs. Djokovic and he’s 5-4 in Slam finals. Rafa also has a winning record vs. Roger Federer in Slams—10-4/6-3. So there.

And, finally, I believe America’s Got Talent sank to new depths last week when three of the four judges advanced a young Italian man to the next round. His talent? Hand farting. Only Simon Cowell gave it a thumbs down, meaning Heidi, Sofia and Howie were as dumb as the act. Lest there be any doubt about Howie’s eye for talent, he also voted “yes” for a guy whose talent is fist bumping. Good grief.